Social: mergate man
An Australian, an Irishman and a geezer from Margate are in a bar. They’re staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He’s so familiar, and not recognizing him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: ‘My word, it’s Jesus!’
A woman’s week at the gym
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
Ce nu vrei sa stie lumea despre tine
Berbec
Tu te crezi foarte cinstit, integru, independent si puternic. Ei bine, asta e doar opinia ta! In realitate, iti place sa dai ordine si tii mortis ca totul sa fie facut conform capriciilor tale. Iti place sa te impui, dar in adancurile tale esti un mare papa-lapta desi n-ai recunoaste-o nici picat cu ceara!
A dog joke
A little boy called Graham asked his Mum: ‘Mum, may I take Fluff for a walk around the block?’ Mum replies, ‘No, because she is in heat.’
‘What’s that mean?’ asked little Graham.
‘Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’
Graham goes to the garage and says, ‘Dad, may I take Fluff for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.’
Atentie, pregatiti-va! Avionul se va prabusi in mare
Ca si cand criza financiara ce a lovit intreaga planeta, eruptia vulcanului islandez, grevele personalului navigant ce apar cand te astepti mai putin si politica de preturi cel putin stranie a acestui brand n-ar fi fost de ajuns, in mijlocul unui – altfel pasnic zbor – British Airways de la Londra la Hong Kong, marti, un anunt terifiant s-a auzit din difuzoarele avionului respectiv.
Sa invingem canicula cu gheata
Ca un mod de a invinge valurile de caldura ale verii ce a lovit si Japonia, autoritatile au inaugurat un acvariu inghetat ce ii va tine pe vizitatori racoriti si distrati.
Kori no Suizokukan este localizat in Kesenumma, prefectura Miyagi si prezinta circa 450 de specimene din vreo 80 de specii ale vietii salbatice marine, toate capturate intr-un port din apropiere.
Surprize telefonice
Prietenii uita sa va mai spuna cat de minunat sunteti? Iubitul/iubita (sotul/sotia) sunt prea preocupati de propria persoana ca sa mai observe ce lucruri extraordinare faceti? Simtiti nevoia sa mai fiti laudat? Cat de bine v-ati simti daca o persoana reala (si nu un robot) v-ar suna in fiecare zi sa va spuna, „Esti Nemaipomenit!”?
Jokes
A guy was driving around Dublin when he saw a sign in front of a house: „Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard. The guy went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there..
‘You talk?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ the Lab replied.
‘So, what’s the story?’
Toaleta ce-ti verifica starea de sanatate
Atentie ipohondrilor (dar nu numai lor)! Multumita japonezilor (cine altcineva era in stare de asta?) vom putea in curand sa uitam de vizitele dese la doctor pentru controalele medicale. Dar asta nu pentru ca nu ne mai pasa de doctor, ci pur si simplu pentru ca mai degraba mergem la toaleta si in timp ce facem treburi mai mici sau mai mari, „toileta inteligenta” va subtitui doctorul:
A toilet that checks your health
To everybody but especially for you hypochondriacs! Here it is a good news from Japan! The Japanese researchers announced us that soon we can forget the visits to the doctor for health check-ups. And this not because we’ve decided that we don’t need a doctor anymore but because a simply pee into the „intelligent toilet”.