Deeply profound thoughts by men
Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, „I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”
Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, „You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.”
Dilemma
A man had to go to hospital to remove the ring from the penis. The ring that was „put it” when he was sleeping by his mistress after she found the wedding ring in his pocket pants.
I wonder what is worse? To let your mistress discover that you are married? To explain to your wife how the ring got on your penis? Or to find out that your penis is held in a ring …?
Chinese sick day
Hung Chow calls into work and says: “Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.”
The boss says: “You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon … You got nice house.”
A cat with a compass
A man hated his wife’s cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
That wonderful thing called love
A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.
„What would you like for dinner, Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”
He said, „Thank you, I’ll have chicken…”
„Fuck You. You’re having soup. I was talking to the cat.”
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
Irish hooker
An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows.
„Twenty dollars”, she whispers.
Paddy had never had a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only 20 bucks. So they hide in the bushes.
They’re going at it for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It’s a police officer.
„What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
„I’m making love to me wife”, the Irishman answers sounding annoyed.
„Oh, I’m so sorry”, says the cop, „I didn’t know”.
„Well, needer did I – says Paddy – ’til ya shoined dat bloody light in her face”!!!
Need a job?
Need a job? A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman…
Older women are so reasonable
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said: „44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white tv, but I got sleep every night with a hot 25 year-old girl. Now I have a 1.5 million $ home, a 45,000 $ car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but I’m sleeping with a 65 year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.
Good jokes
Lost at Sea
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.