Paddy has a broken leg
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes round to see him.
Mick says: „How ya doin’…?”
„Paddy says: „Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19 years old twin daughters lying stark ravin’ naked on the bed.
He says: „Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of ya…”
They say: „Get away with ya …. now ya just prove it.”
Mick shouts downstairs: „Paddy, both of ‘em?”
Paddy shouts back: „Of course, both of ‘em. What’s the point of foockin’ one?”
Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Tired dog
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had…
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
Frozen Grand Central
Stage: the largest train station from the entire world – Grand Central Station.
Cast: Over 200 Improve Everywhere Agents froze in place at the exact same second for 5 minutes.
Wear a helmet. You have no excuses
This is a TVC developed by Ogilvy&Mather Vietnam for Asia Injury Prevention Foundation – non-profit organization working towards reducing the number of traffic fatalities in developing Asian countries, starting in Vietnam.
A story of a blue ribbon
Here you have a story signed by an unknown author about appreciation, about being important for someone. In symbolism, blue ribbon is a term used to describe something of high quality. Here you have a nice and interesting story:
How to give a cat a pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologise to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little barstard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs.
Therapy
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently
took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?
Kuala Lumpur’s juice
In a desperate trying to educate people to respect de environment, here you have a cool campaign produced by Global Environment Centre for Kuala Lumpur.