Moses
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said:
„Jesus knows you’re here.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard:
Prayers
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him:
“Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing”.
“What do they say”? the priest asked.
They say: “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun”?