Things that Mastercard can’t buy
Moral
Self-induced hangover: $400.00
Broken crockery: $800.00
Breakfast: $10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk: „PRICELESS ”
There are truly some things that both money and MasterCard can’t buy.
NO Speak English
A Russian woman married an Australian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Brisbane. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
Phone-call to an italian mother
Italian Mother: ‘Hello?’
Daughter: ‘Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?’
Italian Mother: ‘You’re going out?’
Daughter: ‘Yes.’
Italian Mother: ‘With who?’
Daughter: ‘With a friend.’
Italian Mother: ‘I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.’
Daughter: ‘Ma, I didn’t leave him. He left me!’
At the funeral
Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband,Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Judy again, remarried, and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said: „Lord, they are finally together.”
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
„Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”
Margaret replied:”I think he means her legs, Ethel….”