Sa lasi ceva in urma. Am ascultat piesa asta pe repeat o zi intreaga. M-am dus la somn cu ea in casti si am adormit ascultand-o. Si m-am trezit ca era iarna lui 2017; m-am intors in tara sa am grija de tatal meu ce era in stadiul terminal al unui cancer de ficat. Timp de 12 zile am avut grija de el. L-am plimbat, l-am spalat, l-am hranit si imbratisat strans. In noaptea mortii lui am ajutat-o pe sora de garda in prima ei tura de noapte. Chinul de a respira i-a luat tatei 20 de minute. Din fericire am reusit sa-l chem eu pe doctor care i-a administrat un tranchilizant c i-a usurat plecarea. Si-apoi s-a linistit. Definitiv.
Mi-am vazut tatal miscandu-si violent capul in timp ce o mana a mea se afla pe fruntea lui dupa care si-a dat ultima suflare. Cand ascult melodia asta ma intorc in timp la acel moment. Clipa in care moartea mi l-a luat pe tatal meu, dar cata dragoste era in acel moment in acea camera! Imi amintesc ca am strigat cu disperare la el „Te iubesc, tata!” iar el m-a strans de cealalta mana oferindu-mi ultimul lui zambet.
Dupa moartea lui am descoperit ca a pastrat fiecare email din intreaga corespondenta cu noi, copiii, etichetata cu grija in ordine cronologica incepand cu anul 2000. A fost cadoul lui pentru noi, sa lase ceva in urma pe care noi sa-l apreciem. Cu totul am patru foldere pline cu mesajele noastre.
In viata tot ce conteaza este sa traiesti cu inversunare. Niciodata sa nu fii tentat sa iti reprimi increderea in tine insuti. Timpul si dragostea sunt tot ce conteaza. Bani putem face, timp nu. Trebuie sa fim intelepti in felul in care cheltuim timpul. Viata e destul de lunga daca stii cum sa-l folosesti si scurta pentru cei ce nu dau doi bani pe el. Cred ca secretul este sa ne impacam cu gandul mortii ca sa putem trai cat mai mult si mai bine, sa avem experiente minunate si sa lasam amintiri dragi. Viata si moartea nu sunt decat doua fete ale aceleiasi monede.
Nici nu mai sunt sigura ca a fost doar vis …
„I cannot say that I know you well
But you can’t lie to me with all these books that you sell
I’m not trying to follow you to the end of the world
I’m just trying to leave something behind
Words have come from men and mouths
But I can’t help thinking that I’ve heard the wrong crowd
When all the water is gone my job will be too
And I’m trying to leave something behind
Money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
Oh the future ahead is broken and red
But I’m trying to leave something behind
This whole world is a foreign land
We swallow the moon but we don’t know our own hand
We’re running with the case but we ain’t got the gold
Yet we’re trying to leave something behind
My friends I believe we are at the wrong fight
And I cannot read what I did not write
I’ve been to his house, but the master is gone
But I’d like to leave something behind
There is a beast who has taken my brain
You can put me to bed but you can’t feel my pain
When the machine has taken the soul from the man
It’s time to leave something behind
Oh money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
Oh the future ahead is already dead
So I’m trying to leave something behind
I got this feeling that I’m still at the shore
And pockets don’t know what it means to be poor
I can get through the wall if you give me a door
So I can leave something behind
Oh wisdom is lost in the trees somewhere
You’re not going to find it in some mental gray hair
It’s locked up from those who hurry ahead
And it’s time to leave something behind
Oh money is free but love costs more than our bread
And the ceiling is hard to reach
When my son is a man he will know what I meant
I was just trying to leave something behind
I was just trying to leave something behind”