Malapropisms are twists of the language that, somehow, make sense even though they are seemingly senseless. Does that make sense to you? If so, then you’ve come to the right spot. Every day spoken examples:
They are often the result of what happens when a person talks faster than he thinks. Include me out.
Nowadays, every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Mike.
If people don’t want to come to your party, nobody can stop them.
This feels like deja vu all over again.
That restaurant is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.
Either way, you win or lose.
It ain’t that I’m pessimistic; it’s just that we ain’t got a chance.
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
The future just ain’t what it used to be.
I feel a draft. Raise that window down.
All right, I want you to listen very slowly…
A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
While I write this letter, I have a pistol in one hand and a sword in the other.
They intend to cut off our heads and throw them in our faces.
I can’t remember if I told you to stop forgetting?
If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it’s good enough for me.
To ___ with the public. I’m here to represent the people.
I’m not guilty and I won’t do it again.
I am defending the right of this girl to be judged innocent until she is proved innocent.
Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
I’m scared to death to get sick.
I’m scared to death to marry you.
This is so well-written, one can hardly comprehend it.
If you’ve never seen it, it’s worth seeing again.
I can’t eat on an empty stomach.
For a change, give me the usual.
It hasn’t been touched by human hands, only me.
Say „No!” to negativity.
It’s the people I tell things to that can’t keep a secret, not me.
Generally speaking, can you be more specific please?
It didn’t hurt at first, but then I got used to it.
No one is faster than me. I take my time.
If you want instant coffee, please wait one minute.
Just how long have you had your birthmark?
This could be done much faster if we only had more time.
It’s twelve in the morning.
Half of all children born are boys or girls.
I can be brainless if I put my mind to it.
Occasionally I decide to be impulsive.
I’ll be there when I get there.
Anonymity is my claim to fame.
There’s a certain universality of feeling which is almost worldwide.
If God had meant people to go nude they would have been born that way.
I’ve known him since he was born.
Every number is greater than the one that follows it.
Bless you, Sister. May all your sons be bishops.
I’m not trying to belittle you. I’m just trying to knock you down to size.
For your information, I’d like to ask you a question.
If you can’t keep quiet, shut up!
Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn’t see it.
I made that before I died.
Predictions about the future are difficult.
If you don’t know where you are going, you must be careful or you might not get there.
There’s just no stopping tomorrow.
The only way to beat them is to get more points.
99% of this is half-mental.
You can observe a lot by watching.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Our similarities are different.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Malapropisms of Samuel Goldwyn
Hollywood director Samuel Goldwyn was very popular for his verbal potpourri and mixed metaphors. It got to the point where they were quoted in the press, and then re-quoted over and over until his publicity department simply started to makeup crazy Goldwyn quotes for promotions. So the following quotes are said to come from Mr. Goldwyn, but many feel they are the creations of his publicity team to help promote his films. Below are just a few that I feel are the best:
I’m having a bust made of my wife’s hands.
Don’t talk to me while I’m interrupting you.
Go ahead and destroy those old files, but make copies of them first.
This book has too much plot and not enough story.
The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.
I’ll give you a definite maybe.
If you won’t give me your word of honor, will you give me your promise?
We’re overpaying him, but he’s worth it.
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
You’re going to call him William? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is called William.
I don’t care if it doesn’t make a nickel. I just want every man, woman and child in America to see it.
I’ve gone where the hand of man has never set foot.