1. Two blond girls walked into a building … you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message – ‘… If you want marijuana, press the hash key…’ Continuare…
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you:
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. Continuare…
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in. As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, ‘You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.’
His eyes lit up and he thought, ‘I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.’ Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterward she said: ‘Thanks’ and returned to the stove. Her ‘T’ shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, he asked: ‘What was that all about?’
She explained: ‘The egg timer’s broken.’
Malapropisms are twists of the language that, somehow, make sense even though they are seemingly senseless. Does that make sense to you? If so, then you’ve come to the right spot. Every day spoken examples:
They are often the result of what happens when a person talks faster than he thinks. Include me out. Continuare…
An Australian, an Irishman and a geezer from Margate are in a bar. They’re staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He’s so familiar, and not recognizing him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: ‘My word, it’s Jesus!’ Continuare…
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Continuare…
A little boy called Graham asked his Mum: ‘Mum, may I take Fluff for a walk around the block?’ Mum replies, ‘No, because she is in heat.’
‘What’s that mean?’ asked little Graham.
‘Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’
Graham goes to the garage and says, ‘Dad, may I take Fluff for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.’ Continuare…
A guy was driving around Dublin when he saw a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard. The guy went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there..
‘You talk?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ the Lab replied.
‘So, what’s the story?’ Continuare…
To everybody but especially for you hypochondriacs! Here it is a good news from Japan! The Japanese researchers announced us that soon we can forget the visits to the doctor for health check-ups. And this not because we’ve decided that we don’t need a doctor anymore but because a simply pee into the “intelligent toilet”. Continuare…
Hung Chow calls into work and says: “Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.”
The boss says: “You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon … You got nice house.”
